think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Randomize
