Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
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