we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Randomize
