tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
Four minutes until I can fart!
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
you're hired as official boob wrangler
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
