So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
Randomize
