so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
I'm way too hungover for life right now
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
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