and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Randomize
