I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
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