I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
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I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
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If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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