I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Randomize
