just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize
