wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
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