everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
