too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
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