Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
Randomize
