You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
Is her dick bigger than yours?
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize
