She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
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