Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
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