my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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