Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
You dont lie about slip and slides
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
