Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
Floor bacon is actually really good
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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