Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
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