So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
What did we do last night that was yellow?
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
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