considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
Randomize
