I heard we made out
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
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