Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
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