if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
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