we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Randomize