this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
Randomize
