Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
