epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
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