OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
Randomize
