I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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