you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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