sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Randomize
