Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
Boobs are out for the taking
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
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