No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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