I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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