I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Randomize
