i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
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