Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
just found out that she named her cat after me.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
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