i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
My feet surprised me
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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