My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
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