Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.