The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
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Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
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You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
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