One girl and one boy is just not enough.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
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