he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
