I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
