You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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