she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
We're too hungover to prance.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
