the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Randomize
