Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Randomize
