under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
