You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Randomize
