Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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