I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Randomize
