Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
Randomize
