sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
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