She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
