It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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