TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
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