I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
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He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
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We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Randomize