it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
