I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
