just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
Randomize
