Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
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