12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
