It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
This is my life. Enjoy the view
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
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